We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Im part way to drunk.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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