Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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