Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
