So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
