Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
