She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
