Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
