I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize