I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
