Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize