Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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