You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
