Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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