Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
