She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
