just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
