marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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