i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
