She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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