I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
