I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
