why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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