I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
