I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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