I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
