yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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