you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
