i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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