i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
