im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
