I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
