Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
