My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
