Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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