Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
