I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
