when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
