Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
