think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think i have herpe
just one?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
