we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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