sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
