Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
