You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
