you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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