WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize