Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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