dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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