Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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