So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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