Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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