Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
