Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
