I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
