just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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