I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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