i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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