Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
