Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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