the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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