I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize