I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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