I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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