He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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