Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize