NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
