Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
