u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
