So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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