And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
