sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
