It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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