Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
