I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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