His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
