i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
