Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize