His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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