dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
