I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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