That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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