It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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