I just made out with a guy for $7.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
