i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
