I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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