Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
