Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize