I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
