I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
