I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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