I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
