And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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